So I have a new life goal. I want to shoot a Bigfoot. Yeah. You read that right. The Skull and Bones has officially decided that your days are numbered, Ape Man.
So why? I’m sure you’re all itching to know why. Well, there are two parts to that answer. 1-I’m tired of all the fighting. I’m tired of all the “crazy people” that see this monster and I’m tired of all the folks that are completely adamant that it does not exist. Why all the hate, guys? I’m guessing that after I go out there with a pith helmet and some elephant tranquilizers and tag n bag it there won’t be too much fighting about whether it does or does not exist.
What about all those guys that already do this crap on TV?
Have you seen them? They go out there with about four people, set up cameras, play recordings, all that jazz. My guys aren’t going to do that. No sir. We’re not going to bog ourselves down with fancy equipment. We’re going to go out there with a crap load of elephant guns and spotlights. Not just four of us. No sir. There’s gonna be about fifty of us circling through the forrest with some headsets. Once one of us finds it, we radio the others, and they come to that location.
Know what? I don’t even care if it’s ME that shoots it, just as long as I get to be interviewed by CNN and the BBC. Why? Because I want to be the one to say “YEAH! You see this bad boy here? THIS is a big giant SCREW YOU from all the people who have been made fun of for taking out of focus photos!” Plus, it WAS my idea. Having said that, I’m not taking you “bigfoot fans” with me. No. These are going to be like ex-marines, and factory workers looking to make a buck. Maybe a few big game hunters. I’m sorry guys. You’ve tried it. You’ve failed. It’s our turn now. We're hipsters. We've seen Evil Dead, and we all want to use our Boom Sticks.
Hunting something that hurls boulders at you? That’s sexy.
-Costello
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