She's a guest on my ship. SHES A GUEST ON MY SHIIIIIP!!

Hitch Hikers fans out there?  Anyone?  While the craziness of summer ensues, I'd like to introduce one of our guest writers, Ann.   If you're interested in venting, or you just want a soapbox to stand on, shoot me an email, we'll work something out.
      Hugs n Kisses, my lovlies! 
    -Costello







Now, I'm 24 and I run a bed and breakfast. I'm unfazed by the guests exclaiming that I'm the youngest innkeeper they have ever seen. Despite the fact that I'm young for this, ahem, line of work, it doesn't make me an idiot. And now that I have been in the business for one full year today, I figure I have earned at least a bit of expertise in the business, and I have a few things to say about people who stay as guests.

Most innkeepers have no problem with special requests. I will go out of my way to do something for a guest, even if it sounds ridiculous, granted they asked in a polite manner. If you're going to be a douche bag, you can expect to receive the lopsided muffin next morning during breakfast.

Contrary to popular belief, innkeeping isn't all baking cookies and muffins. No, we are the gardeners, maids, toilet scrubbers, silver polishers, and secretaries. And no, we're not rich. If an innkeeper is lucky enough to actually own the place, they are usually tied down to it in order to make ends meet. People don't do this for the money. Before you open your both to say something catty for no reason, remember who is serving you breakfast in the morning.

No, I don't resort to spitting in food or anything like that, but I will trim off the edges of your bacon and eat them for myself, which in my opinion, is just as evil. I will give you the darkest pancakes, and I will trim the bacon so that you're missing out on about half of a piece. And yeah, I will give you the smallest plate of cookies. It might not seem like much, but in a business where I have to be subservient at all times, a bit of rebellion feels pretty sweet. Tastes sweet, too.

Sometimes you can be the sweetest person in the world, but you leave your room in a wreck. Keep reading; I promise I won't bite.

Now, let's be adults here, if only for a moment. We know that humans have hair on their entire bodies, and not just their head. Now that being said, no one wants to clean a bathroom that looks like you broke open a pinata filled with pubes. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't get paid much to do this. And I don't care how much you do make doing this; it's disgusting. No one wants to see your souvenir from your trip to Wankington, Fappville, or wherever it was you decided to go last night.

On the subject of hair, don't give yourself a haircut in the bathroom! If you must, at least try to make the hair into the basket. This isn't nearly as bad as the previous issue, but it's a nightmare to clean up. Here's a novel idea: cut your hair BEFORE you go on vacation!

And last, but not least. For pity's sake, flush the toilet when you leave. Yeah, I know it's not a big deal for me to flush it, so why don't you do it instead? I don't want to see the remnants of that burrito place you went yesterday for lunch. It's bad enough that I'm going to have to scrub it out of the toilet. Think of it as a courtesy flush.

That being said, you now know how to keep your innkeeper happy and get treated like kings at a bed and breakfast. Or piss off your innkeeper. I suppose it's really up to you.

      -Ann