Stick this in your earholes!

              Wow, already twenty followers.  How cool is this!  For those of you just joining, welcome to The Bones, where we still have chips on our shoulders about having Kurt Cobain taken from us.  Yes.  We hold grudges here. 

                Anyway, I wanted to take a little bit of time to say thanks to everyone who is already following, it’s awesome to know that people are actually reading what’s up here!  I’d also like to say, let’s not stop at twenty!  Spread this mother around like butter! 

                So today I thought that I would talk about something that everyone dreads:  The death of bands.  Whether it’s because a band member died, or just because there were differences that just couldn’t be solved, bands break up all the time.  It’s a crying shame but it’s true.  So c’mon down and we’ll take a look at a couple bands that just couldn’t quite last.  (At least their music did!)

                Band number one, a personal favorite of mine, The Fratellis.  Imagine if the Beatles stuck around long enough to get into punk rock and then listened to a little Chili Peppers.  I like to think that that’s what The Fratellis sound like.  These guys are a band out of Glasgow that just sound so marvelous.  I highly recommend you check them out.  Their music videos remind me a lot of something that the White Stripes would come up with.  In fact, in their video for Chelsea Dagger Jon Fratelli, their vocalist, actually looks strangely similar to Jack White.

                Speaking of The White Stripes, let’s throw them up here!  Great band.  It’s very hard to say anything bad about them.  Maybe some could complain about Megs drumming, but hell that sound works for them.  The White stripes lasted from the late nineties all the way up to 2011.  Their last albums, Get Behind Me Satan and Icky Thump, were phenomenal to say the least.  They really did go out with a bang.  Music doesn’t always have to be complicated to be awesome.  The White Stripes proved that.  Check them out.

                Seriously, stick these two into your ear holes.  You’ll be ever so happy!  In a world where many groups survive on about three hits that they belt out over and over again, it’s sometimes refreshing to look at the ones that decided to stop while they were ahead. 

                Keep on Rockin Me Baby,

                                -Costello

P.S.  See that button over there, that says follow?  Yeah.  Click that!

P.P.S .  See that URL up top?  Show it to people!

Kay Thanks Bye!

               

Gooey Juice

Welcome one and all to The Bones!  Let’s get down here and have a little fun!

I don’t think alien movies are a good idea.  I mean let’s think about it for a second.  What are the majority of alien movies about?  It’s about them coming here and killing us all.  But we find that one thing that works.  We find that vent in the Death Star or those bacteria that they just can’t live with, or we figure out that water burns them or something and then we win.  Oh snap.  Take that aliens!  

                Now what happens when they see these movie?  Oh hey! Hey Bill!  Remember that skylight on the giant Death Machine Space Station?  Yeah, I think we should try something else there.  Okay?  Thanks!  Maybe they’ll look at each other and say “Hey man, maybe we should pack some Gooey Juice.”  (that’s Alien for Penicillin)

                Worse yet:  Idea number two.  The aliens come here.  They’re groovy cats and since we’ve been fed this whole “ALIENS ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL” thing, we blow them all up before they can give us their awesome gooey juice that lets us live forever.  (Hehe….)  

                So I’m just saying.  Maybe we should cut down on the alien movies.  Maybe we could focus on movies about things that matter like killing bears or destroying world hunger with bear meat.  Maybe a movie about a sumo wrestling bear that kills babies.  We realize that we have to bring Bruce Lee back to life because it’s the only way to save the world.  I’d watch that.  I’m putting it out there right now.  Laying my cards on the table.  I would watch that shyte.

Alright.  That’s it for today.   Check here tomorrow there will be a nice big post about some really fly music! 

                Hugs N Kisses,

                                -Costello

     

Bears N Bones!

For those of you just joining us, Welcome to the Bones!  Today:  Bears!  Natures Guard Dogs! 

                So my friend was worried about men coming to her house on dates.  She was afraid that they would try to take advantage of her, you see.  I had the perfect way to give her safety and security, and just in case any of you ever find yourself in need of an anti-rape tool, I will share it here.

                Get a pet bear.  Feed it, water it, give it a closet to live in, and label that closet “Bear.”  Perhaps put a happy face on the door or something.  When a particularly creepy man somehow worms his way up, simply open the door, let the bear do what bears do to him, and you’re golden!  You don’t even have to clean up the mess.  It’s a freaking bear.  It’ll just eat it.  

                Now bears are not to be confused with elephants.  Bears, you see, are capable of empathy.  Elephants are not.  Elephants were engineered by the gods for one singular purpose:  To be a killing machine.  Tusks?  Massive barbs of impalement.  Giant brain?  All the better to hate all living things with.  Teeth the size of my fist?  How else would they consume their steady diet of man flesh?  Yes.  Elephants are very ferocious, indeed and not to be trusted.  Stay away at all costs.

                A final note on bears:  Be certain not to purchase a panda.  These Wisconsin natives have evolved for one simple purpose:  Killing and feasting upon cows.  You see, pandas were at one time mere polar bears who migrated to Wisconsin in the early Pleistocene Period after a northern blowing wind brought to their noses the sweet smell of cow flesh.  On arriving to Wisconsin, land of cows, they realized exactly how foolish these animals were that they were pursuing.  They painted black spots on themselves to better blend in with their quarry.  Throughout the ages the ink gradually was genetically integrated into their DNA and they developed the spots naturally mere hours after birth.  Pandas are dangerous, devious, and not to be trusted.  Stick with the teddy bear of the bear kingdom:  The loyal Grizzly!

                Much Love,

                                -Costello

P.S.  Read it if you’re bored, Follow it if you enjoy it, and Share it with your friends if you’re just that awesome.

A Textbook Case of Musical Deuchery, Sir!

Welcome once again to the Bones!  Today I'm bringing up a phenomenon I like to call Musical Deuchery.  For more info, read further!

Have you ever heard that band?  The one that you love so much but you’ve only ever heard one song of?  Yeah.  We all do.  For me that’s Hootie and the Blowfish.  ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUU!  But the second you reference any other song that band has ever in the history of time created, I will give you a dumbstruck look. 

Alright.  I’m one of the few that actually admits this.  But we all have that friend that has heard that one track and is instantly the worlds biggest expert on the band.  Not in the fact that they know ANYTHING about it.  No sir, they probably don’t have the foggiest clue of even the name of the lead singer.  They just happen to have the “I know something you don’t know” mindset now. 

But how do I recognize such a dillweed, Costello?

I’m SO glad you asked. 

Listen to the little tribble talk.  Not for content, you’re not going to get anywhere doing that.  No, you have to listen for a specific line.  That one line that lets you know (ALARMS)  This is a scumbag talking to me! (ALARMS)  And that line that you’re seeking is “Yeah, the (Insert band no one has heard of).  YOU haven’t heard of them?”  Right there.  RIGHT THERE. 

Of course I haven’t heard of your little band that you’ve suddenly gone gaga over.  They have about a hundred listeners.  AND I’m willing to bet that you’ve only known these folks exist for about three hours.

I’m not above admitting that I have a plethora of bands that I am completely head over heels for.  Many of which have almost NO followers.  But I’m not going to belittle someone for never having heard of that little band from Hoboken.  Knowing a band that no one else does just doesn’t make you cool.  It makes you a music fan.  So good on you.  Props.  You know good music.  Now get off your high horse and come back down here with the rest of us.

But what about when it’s not good music?  Some bands have very few listeners FOR A REASON.  No, indie kids, I haven’t heard of the folks that you played on your myspace the other day because they play eight different chords out of tune in a single song and the only lyrics they had were the repetition of “Cash is black” over and over.

So my challenge to all of you is two fold:

Listen to a new band and then share it!  Let’s get rid of the deuchbaggery and start some real share time without being Ass-hats!

Power to the Violins, for without them, we would be utterly stringless.

  -Costello

P.S.  :D Follow and share as always!

Musical Wars and Pipes on the Floors

            Well would you look at that?  Three days of operation and still no core meltdowns.  I think there’s just one word that describes that:  WINNING! 

For those of you just joining The Bones, welcome to the best bastion of hippies, hipsters, groovy cats, and music lovers in the world.  Yeah.  I said in the world.  So there.

About a week ago, the lovely meat-bag that lives a few doors down began listening to a rather large amount of rap music.  How do I know this, when he lives so many doors down?  Why he thought it would be a wonderful idea to share!  “My goodness!”  Said he.  “What ever would happen if I turn the volume dial as far up as it can possibly go on my phonograph?”  Happily, his fingers decided to test out this experiment.  The entire hall was gifted with bass lines that could send Japan running for cover.  (Too soon?)  

This was a situation that I gleefully recognized as “sharing time.”  Swiftly as an eagle, I made a playlist consisting of the North Mississippi All Stars, Lyle Lovett and his Large Band, The Fratellis, and Gogol Bordello.  “Sharing time” quite obviously went swimmingly.  Sometimes dorm life can be fun.

So that was around mid afternoon.  Obviously, I didn’t have much homework that day so I basically had an entire night ahead of me of raiding old content in World of Warcraft.  Rather than do so, I decided to go hang out with my friend Jane.  Jane’s a pretty hip cat.  She actually gave me a voodoo doll once.  Anyone who does that is alright in my book.  Anyway, this was before she had turned twenty one, so rather than go to a bar, we decided to go to a hookah lounge around the Mount Pleasant area called Six. 

 

For those of you not from the Mount Pleasant area, Six is a big dark room filled with black leather couches, party lights, fish tanks, and of course, hookahs.  There’s generally a haze throughout the place and even if you’re not a smoker, like me, you’ll notice a really cool aroma through the place.  They have all sorts of televisions going with MTV or something trendy like that and all the while they’re blaring some sort of music.  It’s basically the polar opposite of Blue Midnight in the East Lansing area.  Loud, full of pre-drunk frat boys, and presently drunk sorority girls.   Great place to go to get psyched up for the Wayside and even better place to watch people make complete idiots out of themselves.

I think just about my favorite meathead at the place that night was a fine gentleman wearing a CMU hoodie who decided it would be completely brilliant to grab a lit coal from the top of his pipe.  From what I could tell it was a “HEY LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!” Moment.

Drunks are fun.  Their shenanigans, even more fun.

Long story short, cool place, don’t go there if loud top forty/rap really bugs you though.  They tend to play a lot of “popular music” at night.  Also, beware of prices.  I know the majority of you reading this are on loans, so be aware that this place charges per hose, per bowl, and even per person!

 

Last thing I wanted to say: If ever the cool barista from Kaya reads this, props to you on knowing who the North Mississippi All Stars are!  I salute you, sir!

Many Hugs and Many Kisses,

  -Costello

P.S.  As always, if you enjoy it, follow it!  (AIM, Yahoo, and all sorts of other services are able to follow it so don’t be shy!)

P.P.S. Share this with your friends!  Let’s bring them to the hip side of the tracks!

I want my pants back.

Alright, so we all have those things we've done that we're not entirely proud of.  That flock of seagulls haircut, that pair of leather pants that you dearly hope that your children will never find, maybe a picture of you standing around a keg with a Devo hat on.  Yeah.  We did it.  Know what?  Because it was freakin cool, baby!  (at the time)


I am not ashamed to admit that my mistake involved a lot of black nail polish, sometimes mascara, and trench coats.  Yeah.  I was a goth, wanna fight about it?  I let Hot Topic feel the sting of rejection about four or five years ago and I just never really went back.  A little while ago I decided to recede this ban, expecting the loud screaming music, scary people, and teenage angst that I had been oh so accustomed to just a few years earlier before I realized how cool paisley shirts were and how they could be bought for mere pennies on the dollar at my local Good Will.

Maybe I'm just getting old.  That could be it.  But I really can't see myself wearing this stuff.  I'll give you the lack of chains WILL get you through metal detectors much more easily, and yeah, a little color never hurt anyone, but I was slightly alarmed at what I found.

There are those days.  Those days that whatever sadistic ruler of the universe just decides YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL EMBARRASSED!  My first one came when the Wii Fit, a video game, informed me that I was "overweight."  The newest one came when I tried to try on my first pair of "skinny jeans."

For those of you who do not quite know what skinny jeans are there are several common misconceptions that need to be evened out, and I'm totally willing to do that right here for your own benefit.

Misconception 1)  You have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans.
WRONG!  As I quickly found out, those who frequent Hot Topics are often, in fact, NOT skinny in any way!  You are completely free to purchase these form fitting britches no matter what size you are!

Misconception 2) It is a good idea to purchase said britches with a body type in anyway dissimilar to a bean pole.
I kid you not.  They are most unflattering.

Having said that, I have to express my sheer dismay at realizing that whichever dillweed, yeah I said it, that invented these apparently said to themselves: "HEY!  I've got a great idea!  Let's make the single most uncomfortable, unflattering piece of clothing in the world!"  My friend, you have succeeded.  Not only did I feel like I was wearing a sausage casing, I experienced my first ever "Muffin Top."  And I just KNEW that there were plenty of people giggling at my 225 pound body squirming around in these things.

In my day we had spooky Tripp pants with chains and spikes and all sorts of crazy thins dangling off of them.  I will NEVER say that these were better than any other article of clothing, but i will say this:
A. They had plenty of room for my junk and B. I once smuggled an entire order of Crazy Bread into a movie theater.  (Lets see your pants do THAT kiddies!)

I guess this is one place that the new counter cultures won out again.  I consider myself lucky that it's actually cooler to shop at Good Will now, than Hot Topic.  At least these pants fit me, granted they may smell like old man for a few days.

Anyway, we'll have a real blog entry tomorrow!  (Exploring Six Lounge)  Until then, enjoy my ranting on pants!

Sincerely without Sincerity,
  -Costello

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