I want my pants back.

Alright, so we all have those things we've done that we're not entirely proud of.  That flock of seagulls haircut, that pair of leather pants that you dearly hope that your children will never find, maybe a picture of you standing around a keg with a Devo hat on.  Yeah.  We did it.  Know what?  Because it was freakin cool, baby!  (at the time)


I am not ashamed to admit that my mistake involved a lot of black nail polish, sometimes mascara, and trench coats.  Yeah.  I was a goth, wanna fight about it?  I let Hot Topic feel the sting of rejection about four or five years ago and I just never really went back.  A little while ago I decided to recede this ban, expecting the loud screaming music, scary people, and teenage angst that I had been oh so accustomed to just a few years earlier before I realized how cool paisley shirts were and how they could be bought for mere pennies on the dollar at my local Good Will.

Maybe I'm just getting old.  That could be it.  But I really can't see myself wearing this stuff.  I'll give you the lack of chains WILL get you through metal detectors much more easily, and yeah, a little color never hurt anyone, but I was slightly alarmed at what I found.

There are those days.  Those days that whatever sadistic ruler of the universe just decides YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL EMBARRASSED!  My first one came when the Wii Fit, a video game, informed me that I was "overweight."  The newest one came when I tried to try on my first pair of "skinny jeans."

For those of you who do not quite know what skinny jeans are there are several common misconceptions that need to be evened out, and I'm totally willing to do that right here for your own benefit.

Misconception 1)  You have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans.
WRONG!  As I quickly found out, those who frequent Hot Topics are often, in fact, NOT skinny in any way!  You are completely free to purchase these form fitting britches no matter what size you are!

Misconception 2) It is a good idea to purchase said britches with a body type in anyway dissimilar to a bean pole.
I kid you not.  They are most unflattering.

Having said that, I have to express my sheer dismay at realizing that whichever dillweed, yeah I said it, that invented these apparently said to themselves: "HEY!  I've got a great idea!  Let's make the single most uncomfortable, unflattering piece of clothing in the world!"  My friend, you have succeeded.  Not only did I feel like I was wearing a sausage casing, I experienced my first ever "Muffin Top."  And I just KNEW that there were plenty of people giggling at my 225 pound body squirming around in these things.

In my day we had spooky Tripp pants with chains and spikes and all sorts of crazy thins dangling off of them.  I will NEVER say that these were better than any other article of clothing, but i will say this:
A. They had plenty of room for my junk and B. I once smuggled an entire order of Crazy Bread into a movie theater.  (Lets see your pants do THAT kiddies!)

I guess this is one place that the new counter cultures won out again.  I consider myself lucky that it's actually cooler to shop at Good Will now, than Hot Topic.  At least these pants fit me, granted they may smell like old man for a few days.

Anyway, we'll have a real blog entry tomorrow!  (Exploring Six Lounge)  Until then, enjoy my ranting on pants!

Sincerely without Sincerity,
  -Costello

Remember kids!  You don't have to be a google member to follow!  Yahoo and Twitter accounts are able to as well!